Ode to a real (and ideal) government shutdown

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As I write the country is in its second hour of its first government shutdown in about 17 years. Of course, it’s not a total “shutdown” since it’s only “nonessential” services [but since we’re talking about the government isn’t it all nonessential?!] and not “essential” services like, you know, the Drug War, targeted assassinations, mass deportations, the Military Industrial Complex, the Federal Reserve monetary scheme of inflation and manipulation, etc.

My guess is that it might last a day or two and then our wise and brilliant overlords in Washington—put off by small government extremists!—will gleefully go back to work and find new ways to control us and steal our money.

If only it were a real “shutdown”! Imagine if every liberty-destroying policy was unilaterally disarmed and every power-hungry politician, bureaucrat, and crony was put out of business in an instant! What if all the sudden neighborhoods could reclaim the streets they live on and control access to them; smoke shops could light up a fat stogie or cigarette on their own property again; kids would be free from the dehumanizing government slave factories that euphemistically go by “public schools.”

And not only that, gun enthusiasts could purchase whatever weapon these pleased for their nonviolent enjoyment.

People needing dispute resolution could hire any mediator or arbitrator that they thought met their qualifications and not have to deal with ornery government judges.

All drug violence would immediately cease, and people could buy and sell whatever substance they wished without fear of government prosecution or murder.

Workers could freely engage in voluntary associations with each other and they could look on their paychecks and see that dollar they earned was theirs to keep and to do with what they pleased.

Entrepreneurs could start businesses of any kind without having to beg and plead before a government licensing cartel board to “let” them start a business.

No one’s home, business, or any other property could be legally confiscated again with the abolition of eminent domain and civil forfeiture.

Intellectually “property” would be wholly abandoned and information sharing could be unlimited.

Predatory government surveillance would vanish.

Competing currencies would ensure the value of everyone’s income against inflation.

Parks and open spaces would be revitalized with voluntary private sector creativity.

All the government’s arbitrary immigration restrictions would be cast aside, and hundreds of millions of people would be allowed to come and go as they like in country without passports, green cards, visas, or driver’s licenses.

Civil society and a smorgasbord of voluntary associations would quickly arise to take the place of every coercive state monopoly in existence. Private property rights would rule the day!

The TSA and their porno-scanners would be scrapped and family members would once again enjoy the liberty to see their loved ones off from the airplane gate.

Individuals will not longer have to pay David Brooks on NPR and PBS say that the U.S. government isn’t murdering enough innocents and bombing enough countries around the world.

Obsolete rail lines that consume billions of individuals’ hard earned money and go nowhere could be abolished and new innovative technologies like robot cars and hyperloops could be built.

The residents of every municipality could occupy their local city hall and unilaterally disband it, thus allowing for voluntary private governance like private neighborhood associations and cooperatives—where all coercive taxation and transfer payments are completely done away with.

All of the seized “public lands” taken by the government could quickly go to whoever got to them first where contracts and tradable property rights would be established.

No longer would mass subsidies to big agribusiness, and sugar quotas, and raw milk bans, and alternative medicine restrictions cause any harm or malice toward free people producing whatever it is they would want to put into their bodies and selling the rest to willing customers.

FCC violations of free speech on television would be along distant memory, as anyone on TV would be able to swear, give the finger, or do whatever they wanted that the station owner would be willing to let them do.

And the best of all: No government wars and mass murder, no conscription, no police state, and…

No legalized killing.

This, ladies and gentlemen, in an ode to a real government shutdown—anarchist-style.

 

 

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